(no subject)

Random question:
Q. I'm looking at buying a decent (not great/not horrible) 35mm camera. EOS Probably Canon so I can have interchangable EF lenses with my Digital Rebel XT. The two in my heh [4 working hours a week] price range are the Rebel 2000 and the Rebel K2. I know most of the people I have added as friends mention photography as a hobby so I'm hopping ya'll have some suggestions. Anyway, let me know what ya think about these two models and any others ya think would fit into my price range. I currently have a Canon AE1 and a Minolta (the model number escapes me at the moment). So anything a little updated would be nice.

I'm cataloging some websites for future reference so thats all I got for now. Peace out! <3

Healthy Dining Finder  Nutrition Information from popular restaurants
Fat Burn  Online Weightloss diary
Mom-RD  Dietitian support for families
Heavenly Low Carb Diet Food Store
Woman's Day Weight Loss Challenge  Recipes, support, workouts
Amy's Diet Plan  Day-by-day diet plan using Amy's products [1500-1800 kcal/day]


"If You don't want to love me
Then I'll find somebody else who will
Find another kind of thrill
Find another way to fill this loneliness"

I'm tired of crying. It's all I do anymore.
I'm tired of sleeping. I'm wasting my life away.
I'm tired of eating. I can't even taste anymore.

I'm falling apart.
Gawd save me, </3


Guys are jackasses.
Particularly my (ex?) boyfriend.

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But anyway. Yesterday just before I left for work I got a text from a number I hadn't seen before saying "hey how are you doing?" I texted back saying "who is this" (blah blah blah) Turns out my most recent ex boyfriend got a cell phone and was checking up to say hey. So I've been talking to him since.He's seemingly turned back into the guy I originally fell in love with. Which realy hurts because his life is fitting together pretty nicely and he seems really happy. & lucky for him he's getting out of california and pursuing a dream. Double jealousy. I dated him for a year and a half. First half was pure perfection. He was the guy any girl would be lucky to have. He was a cowboy, (thats right wranglers, cowboy hat/boots, rides horses etc), hot as hell, charming personality, could make anyone smile, great sense of humor, beautiful eyes, great body, he was amazing! on top of it all he was romantic! Sweet, caring, responsible and loyal. Okay in all honesty i could go on for days about how perfect he was. key word. WAS.
Then his grandpa died. His best friend, mentor  and truely his father. & he changed. (of course)
he grew rash, irresponsible, irritable, selfish, concieted, lazy, mean and melodramatic.
i held on because I loved him and I knew he was going through a hard time. but a year passed and he got worse and worse. I grew to resent him, disliked being near him, a few times i went home with bruises on my wrists. & no hes not abusive ( i know abuse first hand & that was not it). I was in love with the old him. not the new one and he obviously wasnt going to change back.
One day he dumped me. I was able to talk to whoever I wanted, hang out with friends etc. It was nice. I missed him desperately dont get me wrong. But freedom was nice too.
we got back together and I told him things would change and what exactly. He agreed. Those things changed, but he didnt. We broke up and hadnt talked since.
I know I can't judge him from text messages but I do know hes changed.
first dated he work only cowboy boots/hats, wranglers. lots of facial hair, drank black coffee and drove a beat up pick up truck 20 years old. His pride and joy. and worked at a feed store.
Later he wore dickies, DC shoes, tried skateboarding, wore baseball caps and brand name shirts, drank starbucks, shaved his facial hair and spiked his hair, drove a new convertible and worked at a restaurant.
See a difference?
Him now: drives an old beat up pick up truck, wears his cowboy stuff again, has facial hair and works at a feed store again.

I'm off topic. Hell I dont even know what my topic is. I'm soo confused. </3


Bonjour! Bonjour!
Good evening, good friends.
Don't ask.
It's been forever it seems. && so much to tell!
Let me summarize the last week.
4am drove to Sacramento Airport,
6am took off. Threw up most of the flight. Got into Buffalo Airport at like 6pm-ish.
Did nothing.
Drove in circles around my dad's hometown. Whoopdeedooo. My Grandpa's a dick. Spent most of the time outside in 3 inches of snow with no Jacket (because I threw up on it on the plane. YAY).
Skipped going to Rutger's University (Don't even ask please). Hung out with my cousin (he's 17) and his friends. Fun fun.
took 4pm flight back to CALI. Got there 10pm-ish.
My boyfriend stood me up. *ahem* again.
Class at 9am to 5pm. I loooove not being there 12 hours. Uber greatness.
Classes seem fun so far. && got to see my bf for about...5 mins. Saw my ex. Walked past and said "hey slut". What a dick. He doesn't even know what a slut is.
work at 10am-630pm. Dinner with my mom. Got a call from my bank-figured out why I'm always out of money. Fraud. My account was hacked, im down a $1000+. Yay.

Anyway. I'm in a decent mood despite this past week. There's actually a LOT that has happened but I have no idea how to summarize it so...yea.

So my classes this semester...
Intro to Business
Humanities World Religion
Science of Nutrition <3
Photography intermediate + lab
History of Photography

And just dropped my small Business managment. 17.5 units not sounding good this semester. 14.5=much better.
I'll try to check up on everyone tonight but I'm tired so no promises.
Missed ya'll though!!  


So there is absolutely no way I will be able to comment people back tonight. I have to pack, I still have to do laundry and be at a party in an hour. Whoppee. But I thought I'd write once a more just to remind everyone that I'm leaving tomorrow morning and won't be back till the 15th (and the 16th I have school and the 17th I work) ugh.
Anyway I gtg. Take care everyone!  


So I want to bleach my hair. I just can't decide how I should do it. I think I've finally decided to bleach the whole thing...& dye the underneath copper and brown. Sound ok? Heh, I'm a natural black so it will definitely be different. But not necessarily new for me.

So I am offically down to 4 hours a week at my photography job. Lovely. I freakin' love my job but this is ridiculous. 4 hours a week cannot pay rent. & its not paying the gas to get to a from it either. I don't know what to do. Everyone is telling me to quit and find a new job. But I love it! & it looks great on my resume. As I do want to become a fashion photographer someday...

Oh well. I'm looking for another job. Hopefully keep my current though. I want to be a cook again. I miss my old position. I hate becoming attached to my jobs and having to leave. Gr.

So I'm totally not looking forward to going to see my Grandma. Am I a completely horrible person for feeling no remorse for her being sick? Last time I saw her I was 4 years old. She allowed my cousin to pin me on the ground and poor bubbles in my eyes. She stood a couple feet away laughing "hahah. Children these days." She allowed him to do horrible things to me. & never cared.

She hates my mom. & tells her every chance. She always hated my father (it's his mom). Thats why he moved to the other side of the country in the first place. My brother was born from a previous marriage to my mom and she never considered him part of the family. She sends my family a check for $20 every Christmas with a card that has their names printed inside. Printed from a damn computer.

Then, miraculously a month before she was diagnosed with cancer, she sent me a red jewelry box. Inside was a strand of (real) pearls from 1840's at least. A family heirloom.

I'm so confused. I was NEVER part of their family. No one in my imediate family was. I wrote her a note thanking her for the pearls and even talked to her briefly on the phone. But I'd rather send them back and cancel my flight.

I have had friend's grandparents "adopt" me. I consider them to be my grandparents. Not them. They just don't exist to me. Does that make me a bad person?

I'm afraid she'll say something to me while I'm there. I don't want to leave with the rest of the family hating me too. But I know I won't be able to keep my mouth shut either. I'm freakin' out.


I get back from NY on the 15th and school totally starts the 16th.
Here's my schedule:
Intro Business Tuesday/Thursday 9:30a-10:50a
Photography History Tuesday/Thursday 11:00a-12:20p
Photography Lab Tuesday 12:30p-1:50p
Humanities World Religions Tuesday/Thursday 2:00p-3:20p
Nutrition Tuesday/Thursday 3:30p-4:50p
Small Business Managment Thursday 6:30p-9:35p
Intermediate Photography Saturday 9:00a-12:05p

Uhh, tell me honestly. Am I crazy?
I don't know if I'll be able to handle it. I could barely handle 15 Units last semester that was ALL studio classes.
20 Units of actual work? Uhhhh. Especially with 10 minutes between each class.


Note to friends. Sorry I'm not commenting.
I'm trying. I'm about 1/2 way through everyone. I keep running out of time though so sorry!!
I do love you guys though and thank you to everyone for your unconditional support.

Small update:
-My bf and I are fine. He started pissing me off for a while and I did something that hurt him pretty bad. But we're good now. <3
-I have an interview on the 15th with Rutgers University in New Jersey. Uber excited.
-I will be gone (as in not on LJ) from the 12th to the 17th. I will be in New York visiting my Grandma who is dying.
-&& my application has been accepted to study abroad in London next Fall. Oh-my-freakin'-gosh!!
Uber excited.

I got offered a manager position at my children's photography studio today. but turned it down. :D I know I'm weird. 

Anyway thats all from me tonight. Good night!  


I'm young and niave. Gawd when will I learn?
So my boyfriend and I were suppose to hang out today after he got off work....
*ahem* 4pm.
Last I talked to him was 3:30pm
He told me he missed me, couldn't wait to see me.
Might get off a couple minutes late if the team meeting ran late.
I texted him at 4 to see if he was off yet.
No reply.
4:30 I call.
Out of range.
6 I call & text.
Out of range & no reply.
I turned down hanging out with 2 friends to stay online to see if maybe he went home.
Since 4 O'fucking-clock I've been online waiting for him.
In 5 minutes it will be midnight.
Someone slap me and tell me to grow up.
I am ridiculously pathetic.

My boyfriend just stood me up.
He better have a damned good reason.